By Jason Apuzzo. • A lot’s happened since our last Sword & Sandal Report. First of all, we now have a new and slightly better trailer for Immortals, the forthcoming 300-style take on the Theseus myth coming this October starring the new Superman, Brit star Henry Cavill.
As I’ve said before, I like the concept of building a film around the ancient Greek hero Theseus, lover of Ariadne and slayer of the Minotaur – but from this new trailer it still looks we’re dealing with more CGI overkill here from the same producing team that gave us 300 – a film which, for all its cheeky/politically incorrect depiction of the ancient Persians, still felt way too much like a cross between a video game and a Chanel ad. Immortals looks like it’s picking up right where 300 and the Clash of the Titans remake left off, substituting CGI and TV commercial styling for a lack of storyline or interesting characters. I’ve seen two trailers for this film so far, and I still have no idea what the film is about – why, for example, as the tagline goes, ‘the gods need a hero’ (gods being gods, they usually don’t need human heroes) – although I have seen a lot of massed CGI armies and shouting. And Mickey Rourke wearing what look like Bronze Age bunny ears.
And by the way, where’s the Minotaur in this film? There’s no sign of it – nor of the Labyrinth. I’m hoping the creators of this film are aware that what Theseus is most famous for is slaying the Minotaur inside the Labyrinth – think of slaying the Minotaur as being for Theseus what, say, the 56-game hitting streak was for DiMaggio – and that it might’ve been a shrewd idea to include either a Minotaur or a Labyrinth somewhere in the film or the trailer. Is it too much to ask for a Minotaur or a Labyrinth in a movie about Theseus? Hello?
At least Isabel Lucas looks good as Athena – who will apparently be an action figure in this film. Incidentally, Immortals has some new character posters out, and there are some good screengrabs here from the new trailer.
• Speaking of 300, the big news about the prequel is that it will no longer be called Xerxes, but 300: Battle of Artemisia – a triumph of brand marketing over common sense. The new film, of course, is not about the 300 Spartans, and is about Xerxes – but no matter, brand triumphs over all and the producers are obviously worried that no one in foreign markets like Poland or Thailand or West Virginia will understand that a film called Xerxes is actually a prequel to 300. (Maybe they should just call it 200 – that makes about as much sense.) In any case, Zack Snyder will not be directing the prequel – it will apparently either be Noam Murro and Jaume Collet-Serra. (Murro, interestingly, has done commercials for the Halo video games – and may do the next Die Hard film.) So what does any of this mean? Not very much, except that this would-be franchise is still on the drawing board while a lot of time passes. By the time Battle of Artemisia hits theaters (in late 2012 at the earliest), both Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans will have been released, along with Immortals, and 300 will be at least 5 years in the past.
One of the things that made 300 so intriguing was its apparent relevance to our contemporary War on Terror. With Iran becoming more belligerent all the time, that relevance will likely still be there by 2012 or 2013, but one can’t help but wonder whether an opportunity is being lost with this franchise …
• Conan the Barbarian 3D has a new international trailer out, an amusing new ad, and also a red band trailer for the more bloodthirsty among you. This film seems to be cruising along toward its late summer (August 19th) release, without a lot of heat or buzz – mostly, I suspect, due to the cast not being filled with A-listers. But the film looks diverting enough (as these things go), and – in an important carryover from the Schwarzenegger films – willing to have a sense of humor about itself. This, incidentally, is what’s noticeably lacking from the Immortals trailers thus far – a sense of humor.
Conan also has some new posters out (see here and here), and a lot of good new productions stills are available (here and here). I feel willing to give this film a chance, although I’m not expecting El Cid, if you know what I mean …
• Other films cruising along are Peter Jackson’s forthcoming Hobbit movies, and we now know both the official titles and release dates of these films. The first, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, will be released Dec. 14th, 2012 – with the second installment, The Hobbit: There And Back Again, released a year later on Dec. 13th, 2013. “An Unexpected Journey” and “There And Back Again” are not exactly the most scintillating titles, but obviously Jackson knows what he’s doing with this type of project so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Since our last Sword & Sandal Report, we’ve also learned that Orlando Bloom will be returning for these films, which brings most of the major cast back from the original trilogy; also, Evangeline Lilly will now be joining the cast as an elf. You have Evangeline Lilly in your film, and you make her an elf …
And this is the thing, really, about these films: most of what we’re seeing in the news so far is all of the people being cast as elves – and we also get to see pictures of them as elves. Hooray. I know I’m supposed to be excited, but I happen to be over 4 feet tall – and I don’t work for Santa Claus – so it’s hard to relate, no matter how successful (artistically or financially) these films have previously been. I never quite get excited until I at least start to see some creatures.
In any case, if you’re interested in geeking out, check out some of these new character images of elves (here, here, here and here); read a cast interview here; read more details about casting here and here; read about the voice talent; and check out Peter Jackson’s second video blog.
• Ironclad is out right now in limited release, and you can read the Libertas review from Joe Bendel. Have any of you had the chance to see it? If you have, tell us what you think.
Here is an interview with the film’s director Jonathan English, and also with star James Purefoy. Also: here’s a clip from the film, as well as a compilation reel (only for the brave of stomach) of the film’s ultra-violent fight scenes. Wow is this film gory.
• HBO’s Game of Thrones (see the Libertas review from Joe Bendel) had a boffo opening season, with the show’s finale (featuring a shocking surprise, and a fair bit of nudity) getting big ratings – and the overall series garnering 4 TV Critics Association nominations. Meanwhile, work has already begun on Season 2 (including the casting of Natalie Dormer from The Tudors); plus, the next installment of George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire novel series (the inspiration for Game of Thrones), called A Dance With Dragons, is just coming out (read today’s Wall Street Journal review); and you can catch Game of Thrones episode recaps for: Episodes 5, 6, 7, 9 and 10.
Of course, the coolest thing that happened recently with respect to Game of Thrones was a colorful incident in which Sean Bean got into a brawl outside a pub defending the honor of 22 year old Playboy model April Summers. (Bean, incidentally, is 52.)
As the story goes, some punk said something untoward about Ms. Summers, so Bean went after the guy and got rid of him, while getting stabbed in the arm with broken glass during the process. The best part of this story? According to reports:
“Despite his wounds, Bean refused any medical attention and opted not to go to a hospital. Instead, the actor accepted a first aid kit from the bar staff, then ordered another drink.”
And that’s why Sean Bean is the coolest.
• In other Sword & Sandal News, Angelina Jolie talks about how her take on Cleopatra would differ from Liz Taylor’s (she’d focus more on Cleopatra’s political career); Gemma Arterton has mysteriously dropped out of Wrath of the Titans; Tarzan may get rebooted as a trilogy; Paul W.S. Anderson’s Pompeii (to be shot in 3D), which will apparently have a $100 million budget, got quickly pre-sold at Cannes; next year’s Spartacus: Vengeance will be previewing at Comic-Con, plus the series creator talks here about replacing Andy Whitfield as Spartacus, and also about the show’s much-discussed nudity and violence; it looks like Fast Five’s Justin Lin is still doing the Highlander reboot, which breaks the land speed record for strange career choices for a hot director; Warner Brothers is attempting to adapt The Lost Years of Merlin; Universal is considering doing a ‘revisionist’ adaptation of The Arabian Nights (Nooo!!!); Starz just cancelled Camelot; check out a teaser poster for the Keanu Reeves 3D 47 Ronin; and the Roman Empire action flick The Eagle just hit DVD/Blu-ray.
• And in today’s most important news … we thought we’d take a look above at the character poster for Rachel Nichols as ‘Tamara’ in Conan the Barbarian. The qualifications for a ‘Conan love interest’ are sketchy at best – hopefully she’ll fulfill them.
And that’s what’s happening in the ancient world of Sword & Sandals!
Posted on July 11th, 2011 at 9:26pm.
It’s not a good sign when they switch the Conan trailer soundtrack from the generic Carmina burana-esque chorus of violent profundity to a candy ass rock anthem. Jason Momoa looks the part of Conan, but based on the trailer I’d say they’re exactly one John Milius short of a hit.
I’m assuming/hoping the rock anthem won’t be in the film, but one of those things that destroys your eardrums during the credits and on some supplementary album of music ‘inspired’ by the film.
Considering the 1982 film didn’t exactly set the world on fire, I’d say that film was one John Milius short of a hit.
It will be interesting how the new 3D Conan does against the 1982 version. According to Mojo’s inflation chart, the 1982 Conan would have grossed about $240million today after adding in 3D charges. A horrible failure, obviously.
Wow! $240 million – that’s amazing. When you adjust for inflation, what you tend to discover is that almost nothing going on nowadays at the box office is all that impressive. Still, I didn’t know the original Conan was that popular. To this day, I still remember seeing it in the theater and thinking it was a lot of fun.
No, it didn’t set the world on fire – but it’s certainly become a cult classic that a lot of people like.
The Battle of Artemisia could be a compelling story in the 300 context. I think it’ll be awesome to see what Frank Miller does with Themistocles. Being a coalition-builder of sorts, and what many call the father of democracy, there can really be some great themes that reflect the Tea Party / Constitutional movement in the U.S. now.
Also, one thing that is important to remember about the 300 film is that it was told from the perspective of the “unreliable narrator,” if you will. It was told from the perspective of the man tasked to mythologize the events, so I think the lack of a clearly defined story in favor of a stylized approach was acceptable. And it was undoubtedly made great by its themes of freedom, and obvious allegory to the War on Terror.
And as a huge Tolkein fan, I can not wait for The Hobbit films.
Awesome entry to the Sword & Sandal Report, Jason,
Many thanks, Vince. I’m sure Miller has concocted something exciting, and I’m hoping a good team coalesces around that project quickly. Certainly with The Hobbit that problem has already been taken care of, because Peter Jackson is superb and has good people working with him on what is obviously a beloved story.
Sean Bean strike me as the kind of English actor you just don’t see anymore and that’s full of piss and would fight a wind mill. Of course all the rest of them are dead from drink…Burton, Harris, Reed…etc…etc… In other words real men and alcoholics.
Yes, JG, only O’Toole is left from that group. I can’t tell you how much of a fan I was of Oliver Reed and Richard Burton in particular, growing up. I absolutely wore out my VHS copies of Crossed Swords with Reed, and of course Where Eagles Dare with Burton. What I loved about these guys was that they were both committed men of the bottle, and usually out of shape, but due to their sheer rage you always assumed they could kick anybody’s ass. Bean seems to be cut from their general cloth. I’d initially had hopes that Ewan McGregor might be a younger version of those guys … but not anymore.
As a side note, did you know that The Heroes of Telemark (which stars Kirk Douglas and Richard Harris) finally just hit DVD? I just caught it the other night and loved it.
The Heroes of Telemark is a great movie that’s largely unknown but worth the effort to locate. Speaking of Oliver Reed, one of my favorites by him is his Athos from the Three & Four Musketeers.(Richard Lester, director) Which incidentally are also my favorite movie versions of that classic story. They beat the hell out of these pretty boy versions that seem to crop every ten years or so.(sadly a new version is coming out this year)
Yes, that was a good one – although I never liked the way Raquel Welch ended up getting killed off in that series. I still prefer Crossed Swords, which if I remember correctly was also directed by Lester and featured a breathtaking cast (Chuck Heston, Raquel Welch, Rex Harrison, George C. Scott, Ernie Borgnine, etc.).
But yes, these are all better versions than the versions they keep churning out nowadays – and certainly not as good as what Douglas Fairbanks did originally, back in the day …
Just FYI, in the Tolkien world, elves are the same height as humans. While the character tended to require a stylized performance, if Liv Tyler’s look from the other films is any indication, Lilly will look quite good.
You didn’t mean Evangeline Lilly was cast as a hobbit, did you?
The reports said “elf.” Thanks for the clarification on that. I suppose what I’ve been seeing are pictures of “hobbits.” I’m down with her as an elf.