By Jason Apuzzo.
• Poor Miss USA. Fox News is convinced she beat out the blonde from Oklahoma because of a left-wing conspiracy, and now she isn’t getting any love from Hezbollah. What’s a girl to do? Triangulate. Savvy move here might be to have herself photographed in a hijab while endorsing J.D. Hayworth.
• New Valerie Plame flick (just premiered at Cannes) blames the UK for the Iraq war. Sean Penn gives an ‘unhinged’ performance, and the film is otherwise getting mixed reactions (see here and here). I’m unhinged at Sean Penn for ruining my memories of Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
• Don Cheadle says Obama hasn’t called him yet. He hasn’t called me either, even though I left 3 voice messages with him about the Van Jones thing.
• Planet of the Apes prequel coming, set in present day San Francisco, starring James Franco. Wow – summer 2011 is absolutely set! Book me in for adventure!
• Another Shrek film opens this weekend. Was somebody clamoring for this?
• New Eco-horror thriller coming featuring … global coolling. This is getting confusing. I though Gore told us … never mind.
• 2 famous country music/Christian music stars announce that they’re lesbians. Tiger calls to console.
• Robert Rodriguez says Machete is not a race-war picture. That’s a relief, because race war pictures never open well in June.
• And here’s an interview with the star of the new Carlos the Jackal film, which recently debuted at Cannes. Apparently he’s being fought-over for dueling Hugo Chavez biopics.
And that’s what’s happening today in the wonderful world of Hollywood …
